De rol van de secure base en safe haven functies van hechting in de identiteitsontwikkeling van jongeren: de mediërende rol van coping

Elise Van Laere
Persbericht

Leren navigeren tussen oneindige mogelijkheden: de rol van ouders in de identiteitsontwikkeling van adolescenten

Elke jongere moet door zijn rebelse fase! Dat is althans wat ouders zich vaak influisteren om hun geweten te sussen. Ouders zijn immers onzeker over het gedrag van hun puber. Ze stellen zich verschillende vragen: Is het normaal dat mijn kind minder tijd doorbrengt met mij? Sluiten ook andere kinderen zich af in stresserende situaties? Ouders hebben grote vraagtekens bij de oorsprong van deze reacties van hun kinderen. Wat ze uit het oog verliezen, is dat zij zelf een aanzienlijke invloed hebben op het gedrag van hun kind in bepaalde situaties en tijdens bepaalde periodes. 

 

Tijdens de adolescentie staan jongeren voor een belangrijke taak, namelijk de zoektocht naar een eigen identiteit. Jezelf leren kennen in een maatschappij met ontelbare keuzes, waarin we in contact kunnen staan met mensen over heel de wereld, waarin we heel wat stress ervaren door de dagdagelijkse drukte, door de constante meldingen op sociale media, … Het is bijna vanzelfsprekend dat we in deze zoektocht verloren zouden lopen. Dat is echter wel de uitdaging waar onze jongeren tegenwoordig voor staan. Hoe kunnen we als ouder onze jongeren hierin bijstaan?

 

Rolmodellen

Ouders functioneren als rolmodellen. Kinderen en jongeren kijken op naar de held die hun moeder of vader voor hun is. Bovendien observeren ze ook het gedrag van hun ouders om hieruit te leren. Jongeren trekken lessen uit de vrijetijdsbesteding van hun ouders, uit hun keuzes en uit hun omgang met conflicten en de daarbij komende stress. Daarnaast onthouden jongeren de verbale en non-verbale reacties van ouders in bepaalde situaties. Dit leerproces begint al vanaf de geboorte. Kinderen leren bijvoorbeeld dat ze al dan niet kunnen terugvallen op hun ouders wanneer ze voor een moeilijke of stresserende situatie staan. Op basis van deze ervaringen ontwikkelen kinderen positieve en negatieve verwachtingen of kerngedachten over zichzelf (ben ik goed genoeg), over anderen (kan ik anderen vertrouwen) en over de buitenwereld (is die al dan niet veilig). Deze ervaringen drukken hun stempel op de gehele verdere ontwikkeling van de jongeren.

 

Vaders en zonen

Gezinnen zijn vandaag meer divers dan ooit. Beide ouders hebben nu even veel inspraak. Er is ook plaats voor een ‘nieuwe man’ die ook de opvoeding en de zorg op zich neemt. Hierdoor is er in onderzoek de laatste twee decennia meer oog voor de rol van de vader in de ontwikkeling van kinderen. In recent onderzoek wordt er dan ook gewezen op twee evenwaardige typen “aanwezige ouder”. Een ouder kan functioneren als een ‘veilige haven’, waar de jongere naar kan terugkeren in tijden van stress. Daarnaast stimuleert de ‘veilige basis’ het kind om de buitenwereld te ontdekken. De combinatie van beide typen is een sterke basis voor een gezonde mentale ontwikkeling. Deze twee typen zijn niet alleen belangrijk in de kindertijd, maar blijven van belang doorheen heel de ontwikkeling. Uit een steekproef van 522 Vlaamse adolescenten bleek dat jongeren bij hun vader de veilige basis verkiezen en bij hun moeder de rol van veilige haven. Zowel de aanwezigheid van de moeder als van de vader is even belangrijk voor de jongeren.

 

Adolescenten met weinig vertrouwen in de aanwezigheid van hun ouders voelen dit in belangrijke mate in hun identiteitsontwikkeling. Jongeren met negatieve verwachtingen over zichzelf of over anderen piekeren vaker in hun zoektocht naar verschillende mogelijke identiteiten. De rol van de vader is hierin cruciaal. Indien vaders hun kinderen weinig stimuleren om uitdagingen aan te gaan, of weinig interesse tonen, gaat het doorzoeken van mogelijke identiteiten vaak moeilijker. Tegen alle verwachtingen in gaan deze jongeren net veel keuzes overlopen. Hierbij piekeren ze vaak en ervaren ze een besluiteloosheid. Het zou kunnen dat ze effectieve keuzes uitstellen en blijven rondkijken. Deze keuzes zijn echter een noodzakelijke stap in hun ontwikkeling.

Vader en moeder beïnvloeden ook de manier waarop jongeren omgaan met stress. Jongeren met een laag vertrouwen in de aanwezigheid van hun vader of moeder gaan vaker op een ongezonde manier om met stress. Ze vermijden, of lijden vaker onder de stresssituatie zonder deze te veranderen. Hierdoor piekeren zij ook frequenter over een mogelijke identiteit. Het omgekeerde geldt ook. Jongeren met vertrouwen in de aanwezigheid van hun ouders pakken hun problemen op een meer actieve manier aan. Ze gaan daarbij op een gezondere wijze om met de exploratie van mogelijke identiteiten.

 

Helpen kiezen

Hoe kunnen we jongeren ondersteunen in het maken van de juiste keuzes? De Westerse maatschappij biedt enorm veel keuzes, maar geeft weinig ondersteuning in hoe deze keuzes gemaakt kunnen worden. Beide ouders hebben hier een belangrijke rol, zowel moeder als vader. Hun rollen zijn evenwaardig, met een al dan niet grotere rol van de vader in deze leeftijdsperiode. Therapie vormt een mogelijke, maar uitdagende oplossing. Door therapie kunnen we werken aan de basisovertuigingen over zichzelf en over anderen, die doorheen de ontwikkeling steviger werden ingebed. Het ontwikkelen van de veerkracht, of een gezonde omgang met stress, is een minder invasieve manier om jongeren hierin te ondersteunen. Dit kan met psychologische begeleiding, of met laagdrempelige opties. Zo promoot Het Vlaams Instituut Gezond Leven onder andere de campagne ‘Fit in je hoofd’, een online tool om veerkracht te verhogen. Preventieprogramma’s zoals ‘bounce’ richten zich op het verhogen van de veerkracht en maakt de omgeving van de jongeren bewust van dit belang. Tot slot speelt het CLB een belangrijke rol in het opsporen van problemen in het welbevinden van jongeren. Het CLB kan helpen navigeren tussen al deze keuzes en advies bieden bij de uiteindelijke beslissingen. We mogen onze jongeren niet verloren laten lopen in de ontwikkeling van hun identiteit. Een sterke identiteit is immers een belangrijk kompas dat ons helpt te navigeren doorheen het leven.

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Universiteit of Hogeschool
Master of Science in de psychologie: klinische psychologie
Publicatiejaar
2020
Promotor(en)
Beyers Wim
Kernwoorden
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